new discovery of theoretical math that connected up via a long and emotionally challenging process with twenty years of zen. it seems that i have had an insight into the root as it it were and the role of mathematics as a descriptive language that is amazingly flexible and clear and am now in hot pursuit of solving the theory of everything or t.o.e. by inventing a new math borrowing concepts from einstein and dogen (13th century zen master). i had an underlying insight connection in my early days of dogen study and put together a missing link for me that connected the zen stuff to the way stuff is, etc...

recently, while playing around with some strange loop stuff of godel (heavy math dude; not heavy in the since of physical mass but heavy in the sense of contribution to the field) and a little discussion of calculus in the kitchen with my roomie some consciousness shift happened and all of sudden i am playing the best chess of my life, whipping my best friend who in the last twenty plus years, i have lost far more than i have won. as it is, i identify some shift in my understanding of what math is and what it describes. as i am learning to focus on this nebulus "nature of mathematics" thing, i find that whatever it is that math describes and what zen points to through it's own sort of methodological pedagogy of realization and enjoying life along the way makes sense to me in a more tangible and applied way that i find is functioning as a golden key that i am taking out for an intellectual and have fun make more money sort of a spin.

in addition to math and physics stuff, there are a couple of other areas that i want to invest more energy. a big one for me is education. as it has taken me 40 years of observation and learning and teaching to start to figure some stuff out, it seems that we can change the pedagogy, curriculua and structure and methods of teaching and learning. the other area that i am uncovering some understanding about is in the areas of schitzophrenia and adhd and other such occurences. i think there is some misunderstanding as to what is going on there and i have some insights. i am a baby in the research phases of all of these fields but i have some new  underpinning insights that i am honing.

anyway, nuff 4 now.

: ) eric

first blog in a long time just to get my fingers wet and see how the water is out here. been pushing myself to communicate a bit and the poor souls who are my chosen recipients i appreciate. basking in the fabled mid-life crisis; hit 40 this year; celebrating my birthday camping at a jam band festival in minnisota. went raw vegan for a few months, lost a bunch of weight, almost got ate by a mountain lion in the wilderness, quit my job and moved to australia where i have been having fun and excercizing a bunch and trying to figure out what the bleep is going on. living in a cool place overlooking the bay where i row and ride my bike around. learning about programming and doing art and meeting interesting people. going from struggle to letting go and like that a bunch. have gotten involved with the local community a bit and know a bunch of people and shop owners and have started to volunteer some time and energy and eric to the local youth centre and would like to do more in that way. kind of spear heading some better connections and support from the local businesses and community folk, etc... want to start up a little circus juggling thing with the kids. we'll see. sometimes i'm lonely and confused with what i'm doing and want to go back to the states where i have some comfort zone and other times i like living on the edge of everything new.... had lots of good adventures this year and 41 is still three months off so i am sure to squeeze some more adventures in and then i am sure more after that as i am already plotting some cool outdoor adventures in the states and asia. thx for the read. : )

today is the best day ever because i choose it to be so by speaking it true. each day can be miraculous if we decide that it is and choose to be open to the wonderful miracles that appear in so many ways throughout the day. open to the wonder of each and every moment and the abundant flow of everyone and everything.

the fruit of practice is enjoyed in every moment of practice. letting go, being now, smiling, laughing, dancing, playing, talking, walking, listening, healing, learning, growing, changing.

look around with new eyes and ears and heart and body and mind and smile at the people that you see and say hello and transfer your love and energy to everyone and everything that you encounter and be open to receiving the love and energy of everyone and everything that encounters you.

each and everyone of us needs each and everyone of us so let us be who we most need each other to be for ourselves.

let us all invest in each others health and wealth and joy and love and happiness and peace and prosperity and embrace our suffering and heal our hearts and minds and bodies and beliefs and habits and fears. let us work and play and love and learn together.

so, i have been away from the daily blog now for several days. as it turns out, some of the cuts from my wilderness spirit quest adventure, became very infected several days ago. in addition to my lower leg swelling up to the point of making walking very difficult, i broke out in hives all over my body. so i missed celebrating thanksgiving with my family and a much looked forward to another special thanks giving gathering two days later because i decided that i would heal, by the grace of god or my personal power or something... as it was, everyone in my family, my parents, sister, daughter, friend of the family were all pushing me in the direction of emergency room/hospital route.

i did not want to participate in the lots of antibiotics to fix the problem and subject myself to the scary stuff that gets picked up in medical places and again..., i was assured that my great spiritual power would heal me in due course.

i sought out wisdom, magic, something in the universe to tell me what to do as i too was afraid of the spreading infection that seemed to be getting worse.

so, after enough signs, thinking, perceiving, et cetera, i went to the emergency room last night and i get to injest antibiotics and other meds for the next week and a half or so.

this evening, i decided to watch some west wing episodes that i had bought on dvd at a tower records closing sale and at about 11pm or so, i got a news flash from a poignant episode where the president had the opportunity to pardon someone who had been sentenced to death.

as it turns out, so many advisors had come to the president from so many different perspectives encouraging him to pardon the man on principle against capital punishment.

his priest, in the story reminded him of a tale that i had heard many times before, first time, being, from a zen book called everyday zen by charlotte joko beck.

i will convey the jist of tale, most have already heard but i heard it again tonight and it was about me this time.

a devout man lived by a great river and one day he heard a radio report saying that the river next to his home was about to flood and the people in the village would all need to evacuate. as the river overflowed and started filling the streets a man in a rowboat passed the flooding home of the devout man and he shouted that he would row the man to safety. the devout man said "I pray to God and God loves me. he will save me."

somtime later, the man was standing on the roof of his house and a helicopter circled over him offering him a rope ladder to bring him to safety. the man, again, replied that he would be saved by god.

of course the man drowned. as he entered the heavenly gates, he addresed god and said i was devout my whole life and prayed incessantly. why did you not come to my rescue?

and god said, "i gave you a radio warning, a rowboat and a helicopter. why did you choose not to hear me?"

so that is the first time that i recognized myself as the devout man on the house because i did same thing this week but did not recognize until hearing this story again tonight.

god sent me my whole family to tell me that i needed to get my self healed of the massively spreading infection in my leg and i held out to hear it from god, him-her self.

i have not officially taken the time to draft my new moon intentions but the word that keeps coming up for me is balance!...... i am learning more and more about balance..

thank-you

: )

Today is the best day ever! i have decided it so. and i am thankful for the big feelings.... the scary feelings.... the elated and joyous feelings... because they are us and they help us to understand ourselves and each other and allows us to be compassionate with ourselves and others.

 we are so strong and sometimes so vulnerable and it is true for all of us. the hard emotions are sobering and help us to tell the truth and ask for help. it is difficult for me to be vulnerable sometimes and so i tend to head for the safety of the cave or womb when i feel sad and scared and lonely. i think it is a balance and there is a time for nursing our wounds and a time for surrounding ourselves with good association in the form of friends, family, enlightening information, etc... and we have to find that place each and every time, however, with practice, we become more confident in our ability to survive it and hopefully learn not to binge fix it with things, people, food, etc... that does not help us to heal.

i seek solice in my breathing when i hurt the most... when i am feeling the most lonely, sad, dejected, vulnerable or scared and it has never failed me. sometimes i am not able to practice well because of the energy of my emotions but it is always there to comfort me and as i slow down and breathe in and out, the difficult energies also calm down and ease a little and slowly change into a more grounded loving healing sort of feeling energy that is more productive and leads to insights that our life serving.

i figure... the best way to learn to heal each other is to learn how to heal ourselves. we need our own healing attention and care the most and then... when we offer to help our friends, family and world, we have something to say that they can hear.

we all need each other and we can offer encouragement and support as we learn to heal ourselves. healing our own body-mind-spirit should be our lifes great work! it is why we are here and it is what we need most for ourselves and each other.

so.... cheers and hooray for each and every one of us... may we breathe and understand our hearts, bodies and minds and act immediately to heal ourselves and share in the abundance of the kind of life that we all want.

: )

just a note a few days short of the next new moon. my life has changed dramatically this lunar cycle and in accordance with my new moon intentions.... at the beginning of the last lunar cycle in the new moon energy, i set some intentions and focal points for the upcoming lunar month. i sat quietly and listened with pen in hand. the main words that came out were energy, healing, and transformation. i circled healing and underlined energy and transformation then circled all three. the last thing i wrote was birth/death shoji.... shoji is the japanese word for birth/death. it is the title of one of the fasciles in 'Moon in a Dewdrop' a translation of the work of a 13th century japanese zen master named Eihei Dogen, who has been one of my deepest teachers over the last decade.

the new moon was october 21st. i went raw on october 24th. started my raw journal on the first quarter, october 29th, started the 30 day blogging marathon on november 1st, had my most profound death and life experience on the last quarter of the moon on november 12th and survived because of the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual transformations that have occured during this lunar cycle. and now we are approaching the close of this cycle and the beginning of the next one.

as this cycle comes to a close, seek out some quiet time and rest and breathe and put pen to paper with whatever words find their way to expression and return your attention to the sheet from time to time during this next lunar cycle.

it is good to slow down sometimes and get into rhythm with the changes that are a part of everyday and the seasonal changes.

Winter Solstice is approaching, which is the new moon energy for the year and a good time to seek some solitude and set some intentions for the upcoming year.

thank-you everyone for your selves.

: )

hi everyone, hope you are all well and happy and alive today  : )

breathing in... i know that i am alive!.... breathing out....i smile to my self : )

i am grateful to be alive and to live each amazing moment, breath by breath. i have been exploring fear a lot lately and learning to see it more clearly. i have not uncovered it fully but i have had moments of clarity and am learning to embrace my fear energy when it is present by breathing in.... and breathing out and learning to care for my fear in the moment with compassion and tenderness and to shine the light of mindfulness on it and watch the energy transform into something very useful.

fear is our most ancient habit energy and we have removed ourselves from our native ways of embracing and cherishing the sacredness of life and is it any wonder that we suffer and blame ourselves and each other. we have forgotten our selves.

the truth is, however, that we are children of the earth and sky, father sun, sister moon, mother earth we are abundant children full of wonder and light and magic and love and laughter and the power to change our lives and heal and grow.

choose to be happy and smile and breathe, take it fast or take it slow, if you get lost, dance and play some music and step into the sunlight and run and jump and increase your level of  activity..... and when your afraid, turn on the lights..., breathe in deeply, breathe out, get warm and smile..  : )

with love,,  : )

so the other night, i sent my self into the wilderness on a self made vision quest and i had a long spell lost in the woods at night with a mountain lion stalking me and i had a real life survival experience that in the whole has had a profound life changing affect on me and i am changed but sorting through the emotions still so it has been difficult for me to say what i want to say because it was so profound and powerful that when i recover a bit emotionally and start to process and integrate the experience, i know i will have something to say.

so i am saying hello and honoring my commitment to communicate everyday and will say more when i am able.

: )

i am thankful to be alive today.  last night i went on a spirit quest and found what i needed to find and crossed over to life and when the timing is right i will tell the tale but tonight i must rest.

: )

today is my best day ever! i said the same thing two days ago and meant it that day as well.
i found myself saying at one point when i was having a good fun day with my friend jahn,
"This is the most fun i have ever had and this is the happiest i have ever been."... i decided at that time that i wanted to live in a way that i would find myself at the right place and the right time with the right everything and everyone else to find myself saying that phrase and meaning it with all of my heart.

so i have had two best days ever in the last three days!!!

: ) yea!!!

: ) thank-you all for your council